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Love
You can’t
turn on the radio without hearing it. “All
you need is love,”1 “I
can’t help falling in love with you”2 “Love is light that surely glows in the hearts of those who
know”3 .But perhaps the
punk band Matchbook Romance put it best, saying “love is another word for
pain.” 4 There are
countless songs, movies and television shows all centering on the enigma that is
love.
However, no one can agree on how love is defined. The American Heritage dictionary defines love as “A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.” This is only one of the 10 listed definitions. Is this simply because it is too complex to be described? According to many interviews conducted with people of various ages, a more popular opinion is that there are many different forms of love.
One of the most
frequent perspectives is rooted in religion. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says “4Love
is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It
is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with
the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always
perseveres. 8Love never fails.” Many Christians share the belief
that the love God has for us is different than any earthly love. The belief is
that God’s love is unconditional and ours could never measure up to his. There
is controversy about the meaning of these verses even among Christians.
In its
original Greek, the word used in these verses is ‘agape.’ This is defined as
‘the deep and constant love and
interest of a perfect being towards entirely unworthy objects.’ Despite
popular belief, 1 Corinthians 13 is not necessarily describing earthly love
between two people, rather it is describing the love we have in God. This is
further demonstrated by the stark contrast of the word ‘agape’ to words like
‘phileo’ (tender affection/brotherly love) and ‘eros’ (sexual love),
also translated to mean love. In fact, the translation in the King James Version
uses the word ‘charity’ in place of love.
Surprisingly, the bible never mentions the concept of unconditional romantic love between two people. Quite the contrary, most men in the Old Testament were polygamist, meaning they had many wives and had children with the different wives. Besides this, it also teaches that earthly love can not measure up to the unconditional love God has for us. In fact, polygamy is still practiced in some societies. Is it possible that this notion of romantic love between two people is, in fact, culturally created?
In
the
Another debate exists in whether there is a difference between the love one has for friends and family and the idea of ‘romantic love.’ In a few of my personal interviews people were quick to proclaim that they believe there is a difference between these two types of love. However, in most instances they were not able to explain why they believe this. Others were less certain about the idea of ‘romantic love.’ One person explained their belief that “in today's society no one really knows what that kind of love [romantic love] really is, it's different to everybody.” In other words, people grasp the concept in many different ways, making the word ‘love’ nearly indefinable.
The idea that there is one person out there for you, a true love that you can spend the rest of your life with, is tempting. Romantic love is something most people aspire for or hope for. Romance novels, movies and books are immensely popular. Fancying the idea romantic love exists is enjoyable for many men and women alike. However, this belief may be unrealistic. Assuming there is such a thing as love, in any form, the difference between romantic love and love of family members and friends, perhaps lies not in some cosmic force, but in the expression and commitment that then follows the initial feelings.
In almost all societies there exist incest taboos. It can then be assumed we can easily draw the line of distinction between ‘brotherly love’ and ‘romantic love.’ Simply put, you would not have sex with your brother, but would have sex with your husband. Does this distinguish the two types of love? Not necessarily. The expression of love does not indicate any difference in the feelings. Too often sex is automatically associated with love. Sex is a primal urge that many satisfy by having sex with people they do not love. If we can have sex without love, it follows we can have love without sex. Despite the fact we have no desire to have sexual intercourse with our siblings or other family members; this does not indicate a difference in love itself, only in the way we desire to express it.
The real difference between the two types of love lies in commitment. In traditional marriage vows, the bride and groom promise to “love, honor, and cherish her/him for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.” Love is then not based on only on feelings of love, but on commitment to that person. Willingness to devote the rest of your life to this person, then, is perhaps the essence of love. The romance, sexual desire and physical attraction that may exist at the beginning of love are enjoyable, but should not be confused as an indicator of 'true love' or even a side effect of love, as they can exist independent of love. In other words, all love is the same, but through commitment a new type of relationship can be achieved, which is often viewed as a different category of love. The butterflies-in-the-stomach, cloud nine feeling won’t last forever, only through commitment will ‘love’ last.
1.
All you need is love- The Beatles
2.
I Can’t Help Falling in Love With
You- Elvis Presley
3.
Tell Him- Celine Dion
4.
Ex
Marks the spot- Matchbook Romance